One down, five to go

Days of this trip, that is. Remember that internal clock I mentioned. Tick, tick, tick.

Ken got Padraic to leave me a voice mail on my cell phone saying, "I like Mommy." Awww, couldn't help the tears in my eyes so I was glad I was in my hotel room when I checked my messages. Then I called them to say hello, and Padraic eventually got on the phone and said, "I love you, Mommy." Awesome and painful all at the same time.

You know what bothers me most about traveling for work? Thinking that if something happened to me, my kids probably wouldn't remember me as they grow up. How old does a child have to be to have permanent memories that wouldn't seem like vapor as they got older? I can hardly breathe when I think of my boys growing up without knowing how I madly in love with them I am. That's what always got me choked up as I followed Randy Pausch's blog. Of his three children, only one of them would definitely be old enough to have indelible memories of Dad. His middle child might remember him, and his little girl almost certainly would not. How horribly painful must that knowledge have been? To be a parent and know that a child that you helped bring into the world not only would have to grow up without you but would have to do it without strong memories of doing things together with you, being loved unconditionally by you. I'd want my kids to remember how it felt when I hugged them, or took care of them when they were sick, or giggled with them. I'd want them to remember me enough to be able to feel me there with them throughout the rest of their lives.

OK, this is getting really depressing. Let's take a turn for the positive. The kids and Ken are doing great, and my parents arrived right when they had expected to. Everyone sounded happy and content when I called before bedtime. It's relieving and makes me a little jealous. How I'd love to spend a week with my family and my parents, without work hanging over my head. At least at the end of the month we are all going to get together at Gertstock, the family reunion named for my Nana. I can't wait.