Releasing the pent-up rage

I've been steaming about several things over the past months, years, hell my entire life. I am a bottler, not a releaser. If something bothers me, I tend to just repress it and move on. But I'm stressed, I'm pissed off, and I'm coming clean. So here's my list.

--I have trouble relating to SAHMs. Yup, I admit it. I don't see the enchantment of staying home with the kids all day long. My mom was a SAHM because circumstances dictated it. From talking to her after I became a mom, I have learned that while some moments were pure joy, in general she was exhausted and unhappy staying home w/my sister and me. She taught us to read well before kindergarten because she couldn't stand reading the same dumb books to us over and over. (I can relate. Repetition in any form makes me want to poke my eyes out.) I'm ticked that I tried to start a working moms' meetup group earlier this year, and all I got were moms who defined themselves as working moms solely because they did Pampered Chef parties or the like on some evenings. Yes, that's work, but I was looking for other women who put their kids in day care and understand how obnoxious it is that libraries no longer have Saturday story hours. I can admire what you do (more happily than I would), but I can't claim to understand you.

--I hate to travel. Do I want to see Paris, Rome, Africa? No. If someone told me tomorrow that I would never have to travel again in my life for either work or pleasure, I would hug them and then burn my luggage.

--I am pro-life and am only voting for a Democrat tomorrow in opposition of this belief because I truly fear that moron VP of McCain's as our potential Commander in Chief. Sure, it's your body, ladies. Until you create another little life inside of you who happens to have a body, too. And you are responsible for it. So live up to the responsibility and take care of it, and I don't by that mean "take care of it."

--No, Ken and I do not plan to "try for a girl." Where do I begin with that question, which I still get from time to time? Let's try this: (1) While I know you know this already, you cannot try for a baby of a certain sex, idiot. (2) You are implying that my sons are inherently insufficient. Go fuck yourself.

--I'm a dog person. You can keep your cats, gerbils, reptiles, and fish. And no, that tarantula little Billy brought home from the pet store is not cute. I'd step on it, but I'm afraid. And furthermore, pet stores are evil. EVIL. Avoid them at all costs.

--Who decided that men were not responsible for either housework or buying gifts for their own family members once they were married? I would like to have words with that person because my house is a mess, but I cannot clean it alone, and I am tapped out from trying to think of (and acquire, wrap, and mail in a timely manner) gift ideas for people my husband has known his entire life when I have a hard enough time coming up with ideas for the people I've known my entire life.

--Why must my day-care center, which already gets almost $2000 of our hard-earned dollars per month keep pummeling us with flyers for enrichment classes (extra fee) and catalogs full of t-shirts and drink cozies (not free) with their corporate logo on them? You already get the maximum amount of money I am planning to give you. Give it up.

--Living in an area where you didn't grow up and have no family, when you seem to be surrounded by people who are from exactly here, is like being the only one wearing KMart sneakers in 8th grade when everyone else has K-Swiss.

--Cancer can suck it. Suck. It. I mean, how dare you?

Making memories

When the Phillies won Game 5 on Wednesday night to take the title of World Champions, our son Padraic was up watching the game. He was excited that they won, but I could tell he didn't understand the magnitude of the win. Then they brought out the trophy, and he turned to me in awe and gasped, "Mom, the Phillies won the Piston Cup!" Hey, buddy, close enough. After all, to the under 5 crowd, the Piston Cup is the ultimate prize their heroes can win.

Since my awesome hubby works right at the corner where the celebration parade will start today, he has taken Padraic on the train (no point in trying to drive into Philly today, egads) with him so he can experience the parade, too. Even though Padraic is a little young to fully understand what's going on right now, he's old enough to have this memory with him forever. I am excited thinking that he'll be telling his own grandchildren some day about how the Phils won the 2008 World Series and he was there to help them celebrate their huge accomplishment.

Maybe after today I'll finally have some pictures or video to beef up this otherwise boring, dry blog!

I might be crazy

I am normally one of those moms who thinks bedtime is sacred and would never keep her kids up to all hours of the night for something. But tonight is different. I have actually agreed to take the kids to the local hangout tonight w/a bunch of neighbors to watch Game 5 of the World Series. They are both getting their baths and wearing red pjs, and I hope they (and I) can actually make it to the end of the game.

Go Phillies!

P.S. I am such a hypocrite. I can't stand baseball normally, but tonight might be historic, and I think of it not as rooting for baseball so much as rooting for the city of Philadelphia.

A bicornuate uterus and all the fun it brings

You who are faint of heart, especially about female things, should go read something else now.

During my second pregnancy I had an ultrasound at 7 weeks. I hadn't had an ultrasound during my first pregnancy until 20 weeks, and I used the same OBGYN so I have no idea why the difference in protocol. It just happened that way. During that 7-week ultrasound (I know that sounds like the procedure lasted 7 weeks, but really that's the lingo so stay with me here), the tech said one of those cryptic things techs say and then don't explain. This one was, "Did anyone ever tell you that you might have a double lining?" Uh, no. I had no idea what she meant, and she clammed up upon further questioning (I hate that) so I did a Web search when I got home and figured she must mean I had an extra thick uterine lining. I was a little worried since it sounded like that could be a problem for the fetus, so I posted a query on my favorite parenting site, Babyzone.com. One of my message board friends asked, "Do you think she might mean you have a bicornuate uterus?"

I initially scoffed at that idea since a Google search of that term immediately showed some rather strange images of a two-chambered uterus (sort of heart-shaped, hence the name "bicornuate") and alarming statistics on difficulty conceiving, higher incidence of miscarriages, interuterine growth restriction, and even stillbirth. Zoinks. No, I told myself. I cannot possibly have that condition. After all, I carried one baby to term already and had no problem conceiving and then what was considered a low-risk pregnancy.

The next day at work my phone rang, and when I answered, my surprised-sounding OBGYN announced, "Sara, we just discovered you have a bicornuate uterus!" Oh, my. I remember breaking out into a sweat. Let me fast forward a bit: After 30 more weeks of worrying like crazy and trying not to get too attached to the baby I was carrying just in case, I had a successful second pregnancy. The only difference from the first was that instead of going into spontaneous labor at 37wks like I had with my first child, I ended up being induced at 37wks because I had been dilated to 4cm for over 3 weeks already, and I have super rapid labors. As in, from the time my OBGYN broke my water w/baby #2 to the time he appeared was less than an hour. Zoooooooom!

We're probably done having kids, but my bicornuate uterus still plays a part in my life. It turns out that since the uterus and kidneys of a female fetus form at the same time, it's possible I might also have a kidney malformation or a number of kidneys other than two. Yup, I might only have one kidney, and if I do chances are it's located in line with my spine, rather than off to one side. Weird. Now that I'm done nursing that second baby, I have been told by my doctor that I need to have an intravenous pyelogram, which means I'll be injected with an iodine-based contrast material while an x-ray tech takes pictures of how it flows through my kidney(s) and bladder. I cannot tell you how much I do not want to do this procedure, but I suppose if I have less than a normal amount of kidneys, or two kidneys that aren't both fully functioning, I should know about it to protect my future health.

If any of you have ever had an IVP or are experiencing life with a bicornuate uterus, I'm happy to hear from you. Meanwhile, I want to express that while having a bicornuate uterus can lead to a lot of misery for couples trying to conceive a child or carry a healthy one full-term, there is hope. Somehow, and I know it's the grace of God, I conceived and bore two healthy children with this thing that a friend of mine dubbed my "kooky uterus." It can happen, and I hope that medical science figures out a way to make it happen more often.

Should I be this tired?

Hey, working mommies, are you really, really tired? I mean, so tired your eyes cross during the workday? Sometimes before lunch? I have been having a lot of "Stop the world; I want to get off!" moments lately.

Having just gotten back from a work trip, I have the issue that the house is in a shambles. For those of you who've seen my house, I mean a worse shambles than usual. Yeah, that bad.

Tonight when I got home from work I had to run right out to get some stuff Ken and I need for the afternoon wedding we're going to tomorrow. Then I had to run next-door to the neighbors' house where Ken was playing horseshoes so I could take over watching my own children and serve them dinner while he played.

Then I brought Henry home and got him ready for bed while also trying to get the laundry and other accumulated detritis of our lives off the guest bed since my father-in-law will need to sleep there tomorrow night while we're at the wedding and he is on babysitting duty.

Then I cleaned the bathroom, which I don't think Ken had done in a few weeks. I mean, a touchup here and there is fine for awhile, but it's not a permanent cleaning solution, kwim?

Now I need to get Padraic ready for bed, and Ken is not back yet to help out with anything. I have a feeling the guys are watching the Rays/Sox game on the neighbors' huge-mongous plasma TV. Lucky him. I could use a hand but will look like a witch if I call over there and ask him to come home.

Did I mention I have bronchitis and a splitting headache? I really just want to crawl in bed and come out in, maybe, April. That sounds about long enough.

I have a freelance project sitting in front of me, too, but I don't have the energy to read it right now. Maybe I'll get a second wind after Padraic is in bed, who knows?

Tomorrow I am working from home until lunchtime, and then Henry and I have to do the grocery shopping and pick up Padraic at day care before 2pm, which is when Pop-pop gets here for the babysitting gig. Ken will roll in around 3pm, and once he's thrown on his tie and jacket, we will need to scoot up to the wedding, which starts at 4pm. The reception runs 7pm to midnight (God help me) so it's gonna be a late night.

Saturday morning we need to get up and eat breakfast and then get ready for the 1.5hr trek up to Ken's Great Uncle Harry's 80th b'day party. We'll go, eat lunch, and then need to scoot back home so I can get to this freelance project. It needs to be put in the mail back to the client first thing Wednesday morning.

Sunday Ken will spend all day helping a friend with a fairly sizeable home repair project. I'll need to fit some freelance project work in around naptimes and mealtimes. Padraic doesn't always nap anymore, but I can probably get him to play in his room for a while during Henry's big midday nap. Knowing how these home projects go, the 6hrs Ken has allotted for getting it done is more likely going to be 8-12hrs. Once he gets home, it's probably going to be time to get ready for the imminent Monday morning.

It's weeks like this that make me want to plan social events absolutely never. But what fun would that be? Maybe Padraic can help get me ready for bed, instead of vice versa, and then he can stay up playing on the computer. I can hardly keep my eyes Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.... .........................................................................................

A Guide for Conference Attendees

I attend a fair number of conferences for my job, say, 6-8 per year. And I see the same mistakes being made by attendees every single time, no matter what the conference or location. So I've put together a handy little list of helpful hints that may never reach the people it is meant for but will sure make me feel better for having vented.

(1) Before stepping foot outside the conference center or hotel, please take off your nametag or lanyard. Hasn't anyone ever taught you that when you are in a strange city you don't want to call attention to yourself as a tourist/outsider/clueless individual? I cannot tell you how many times I have seen people walking around blocks and blocks from the conference venue in full disregard of this rule. Why not just paint a sign on your back that says "Target for pickpockets and other unsavory individuals"?

(2) Maybe this should be (1b), but leave your free conference totebag--you know, the one with the huge logo on the side that announces to the world that you are in town for a conference?--in your hotel room next to your lanyard. Besides the same flaw of calling you out as someone who doesn't know the area, carrying your conference bag just makes you look like a dork and is a useless exercise. Were you really planning on reading the program while eating dinner? How about just grabbing your handbag, or putting your wallet in your (front) pocket, and walking out to dinner or sightseeing without this useless encumbrance?

(3) Do not give a presentation in an outfit you wouldn't wear to a job interview. Birkenstocks, flip-flops (God help us), Bermuda shorts, t-shirts, and other very casual wear does not look appropriate on people who are standing at the front of a room, talking about important research they have conducted. You lose credence when you dress like you forgot about your presentation until the last second and just rushed to the meeting from the beach or your backyard hammock.

(4a) Please practice your talk before the session starts so you can figure out for yourself that a 400-slide PowerPoint presentation does not fit into a 20-minute timeslot.

(4b) When the session chair gives you the look of death and the hand signal that means, "Cut to the end now, Bub, because you are out of time," please wind up your talk in 60 seconds or less. Do not just talk faster while trying to complete slides 283-400.

(5) Do not ask vendors in the exhibit hall if all their wares are complimentary. If they were free, we couldn't afford to rent the space in the exhibit hall in the first place. Think about it.

Thank you for your time.

The best part

Ah, the business/pleasure trip to DC. We got down here later in the afternoon on Saturday than we expected, and then our parking spot in the self-park garage was so far from the lobby, which was likewise so far from our room, that it took half of forever to get our stuff to our room and head out for the zoo. Then I headed us in the wrong direction because I felt so sure I knew where we should go. There went another wasted half-hour.

Finally, we arrived at the zoo, and Padraic was so excited to see the animals. And it would've been awesome had the animals actually (a) been visible or (b) if visible been awake. Oh, well. We saw the baby giant panda flat out asleep on his back in the indoor exhibit, and then one of his parents was asleep next door. Totally cute. We saw a few other animals, but nothing too exciting since it was so late in the day.

We also, though, forgot the camera in the truck when we arrived at the hotel, and there was no way we were hiking back there to get it before heading out, so we went to the zoo without it. Ken got some cell-phone pictures of the pandas, but we'll have to see if they are clear enough to really be worth sharing.

Still, we had a good time in the hour or so we were at the zoo, and really the weekend was about family time, not just seeing animals. It was great having all of them with me for the start of this trip. It was awesome coming back to the room between meetings and having my family to enjoy time with, rather than having just an empty room (like I do now).

Sadly, this afternoon my three best guys had to head home since Ken had to get some stuff related to the new gas hookup (yes, they finally hooked us to the gas main last Monday) before the utility company comes tomorrow to connect the meter and get the gas flowing. I miss them like crazy, though the room is a lot more spacious without a rollout bed and pack-n-play. Of course, all the fun toys are gone. No Hotwheels for Mommy. Guess I'll just have to watch real TV shows. It could even have swearing in it, and no one will hear it but me! And I'll sleep in a big X in the middle of the bed.

All those benefits aside, the good news is I was supposed to be here until Wednesday evening, but instead I think I'll head home Tuesday night since I have no appointments on Wednesday after all. Might as well just get back and tuck my little guys into bed one night earlier than I thought I'd get to, right? Cuz the best part about being a traveling mommy is getting back home.